Flip Flopping

I woke up this morning with cramps. Period cramps. TMI ALERT (look away!) : I have had blood on my toilet paper the last few days whenever I wipe. There's no sign of anything on my underwear and I wasn't having any pain anywhere, until today. Today there are cramps - I know these well. So what the hell is this? I just had my period 2 weeks ago. I'm on CD14 right now - right when I'm supposed to be ovulating! The only thing I could think of was that maybe I am trying to ovulate but the cyst is in the way? causing cramping and bleeding? Is that even possible? OR -- my body is just so messed up that now I'm starting to get irregular periods. Great.

This whole situation has begged the question: When do you know it's time to call it quits?
I think I'm ready. I really do. I don't want to go to another doctors appointment. I don't want to have another ultrasound unless it's because we're checking to see the sex of our baby. I don't want to have to keep track of what freaking cycle day I'm on today. I'm so sick of it all.... I'm done.

And now enter the other side of my brain: NO! You just spent HOW MUCH MONEY on all of those tests just so you COULD do IUIs. You're going to give up at just one IUI??? You need to give it more of a chance. Plus, you did buy that shot for your IUI that was canceled. That $100 shot. Do you want to just throw that away? Maybe that shot is a sign that you need to stick it out for a few more months.

AHHHHH - seriously, how do you know when it's the right decision to just be done?
Is it stupid to let financial things decide whether you go on or stop?

Mentally, I'm finished. Practically, I think it's silly to stop after everything we've done thus far.

I'm just so torn. And with this whole period thing happening now, I just don't even want to care anymore. I would normally cry when something like this happens. I'd be all "why is my body failing me? why can't anything be simple? why do I always have to suffer?" ..... but now, I just feel nothing. I literally have no feelings about it.

How did you know it was time for you to take a break or to be done with medical procedures?