I just wanted to write a quick little post to let everyone know I am still here and still surviving. I hate to just leave the blog after our decision to postpone trying for a bit. I'm still struggling through each and every month with plenty of things that pop up that make me cringe.
I was afraid that as the days went on, I'd feel some sort of remorse or resentment or something growing inside of me. I felt I would want to go back to the fertility doctor and get back to what I "knew" to be my life for so long. What is weird is that hasn't been the case. I have yet to miss my days filled with doctor phone calls and appointments to be poked and prodded. What I do miss is the increased chance of conception. My hubby and I are still trying... but without the medications and helpful placement of sperm, what are the chances of it working? I'm not sure - but I don't let myself go to that place too often. I remind myself of all of the beautiful stories out there of people who have conceived after receiving the most dismal news from their doctors. It's still possible, it's always possible. Never give up.
The holidays are a rough time for me. While I'm thankful that I can indulge in alcoholic beverages, I am somewhat sad that we still don't have a family to start new Christmas traditions with. But that is life and those are the cards we've been dealt so far.
As time goes on, I've become more and more open to the idea of adoption. I know that when the time is right for us, we'll know and we'll move forward with it. Sometimes I wonder tho, will we get too used to our life as just the two of us? I still have moments when I think, I'll never be a grandma - or - who is going to take care of me when I'm old? Those thoughts scare me and I'm not really sure what to do with them.
I wish I had more money. I feel like these next few years while we wait to see what we decide to do should be years that we spend traveling and enjoying our freedom. Unfortunately that costs $$$$ and unfortunately our savings account got depleted this year. I really have no regrets from it, but I will be looking forward to the day when we aren't putting so much money away into fertility and student loans. THAT will be the day of freedom for us.
Well I hope everyone has a fabulous Thanksgiving and a very Merry Christmas if I don't talk to you again.
Enjoy your moments with your loved ones!
