Sunday, February 24, 2013

Family Can Be Difficult Too

Yesterday, my husband's aunt came into town so a whole bunch of his family met up at a popular restaurant for some drinks and a bite to eat. It is always fun to hang out with them and see everyone again, but it's growing more and more difficult for me.

I swear each one of them had to say something about us having a baby soon and how we need to get on that. A lot of it was in a joking-ish way... just saying that them and their daughter really want us to have a baby so they can take care of it. Little things like that... but I have to say that each time I heard it, it broke my heart. I would just turn and look at mark and he'd look back at me like "yup, I know how you're feeling".

There are only a select few that know what we're going thru or how long we've been trying. I guess it isn't something I feel all that comfortable announcing at a family function, but I think I will start telling people here and there when I can. Maybe just a casual "well, we've been trying for a while" or something like that.

Family is hard!! I know they don't meant to put pressure on us, but that's what it ends up feeling like and it makes me even more anxious and nervous about this process. Blah....

Friday, February 22, 2013

Moxibustion... Say What?

I had an acupuncture appointment last night on day 3 of my cycle. She seems to think this is a very important day to treat me... I'm not sure why. Anyway -- she put a million needles in my stomach this time and it was very very relaxing. I loved it actually. I always feel like it's really working when I'm in there, that is until I get up to leave and then I feel like hmmm - I don't feel any different. This time she did something pretty different -- Moxibustion.

She warned me before we started that it smells quite bad and would leave me and my clothes smelling like smoke, cigars or marajuana. HAHAHA YUP.... she was right.... it smelled just like marajuana!! I've never smoked that before, but I do have a neighbor who does regularly and the smell floods from his house into mine. Lovely! So anyway.... it is this little stick that you light up (very much like a cigar) and then you hold the end over your stomach and sort of move it around. It warms up your whole body. She was telling me that they actually use it to turn breech babies over so they are no longer breech. Pretty neat!

via

You can read more about it HERE.
Now I go back whenever I ovulate for another treatment.
I brought my charts from when I used to take my BBT every morning and she looked those over. She told me that they look completely normal and my body is doing what it should be doing at all the right times. I actually said outloud "PHEW!" but as I was leaving, I was thought why do I think it is a good thing nothing is wrong? It almost seems like I would be better off finding out something is wrong so that we can then fix it and hopefully get me pregnant. Always hearing that everything is normal is almost more difficult in a way because then there's no solution to this issue we're having. I keep telling myself that it'll just happen one of these times - but it is hard to believe sometimes.

We'll see.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Doctors Appointment

So I've been doing acupuncture for 2 months now. I put approximately $400-500 into it. Yup.... gulp..... that seems like so much money. But at the time, I was thinking if it was what it took to get me pregnant, it would be worth it. I'll be honest  -  I haven't noticed much difference after 8 weeks of it. There's only one area that I've noticed a change (something that is too personal to share hahaha!) which gives me hope that maybe my body is changing, but slower than normal. My acupuncturist told me that I shouldn't be having any pre-menstrual symptoms or menstrual pains. Well, I do.... my boobs get SO incredibly sore after ovulation. So she has been working on me and putting needles in certain points to keep this from happening. This month, my boobs were the most sore they have ever been, which disappoints me (and no I'm not pregnant).

Prior to going to see my acupuncturist, I had read THIS book. In it, there is a little "quiz" you can take to figure out what might be preventing you from getting pregnant (in chinese medicine). Then, once you figure that out, it tells you what to eat and what herbs to take. One of the big ones for my "problem" was black cohosh. So I went to the local grocery and picked up a bottle of pills and took one 3 times a day as advised. That month, my boobs were completely normal without an ounce of soreness or swelling. It worked! So-- I think I will go back to taking those and once my last 3 acupuncture appointments are finished, I won't be going back.

Now, that brings me to what this post is really about. I had made a decision that I would give acupuncture a good strong try. I wanted to stop all western medicine and just give exercise, proper eating & needles a chance to work its magic. Well, I do think I gave it a good try.... once it is over, it will be 3 months that I devoted to that.... THREE chances at making a baby. It's time I go back to western medicine and make this happen once and for all. I am at the point now where I'm willing to do whatever it will take. I WILL be pregnant this year. So I called and made an appointment with a new doctor. She is a part of a women's clinic in a town that is 15 minutes from here. This clinic has fertility specialists that help with treatment plans. March 14th is the magic day and I cannot wait. Give me medicine... give me shots to inject into myself.... make me do an HSG.... I will do anything and everything. It is time to get serious. Who is with me?

Friday, February 15, 2013

Baby Shower Blues

Yup, I have a baby shower to go to tomorrow. But surprisingly, I'm not feeling sad about it. Don't get me wrong, I'm completely jealous that this friend of mine is having a baby in a month. She and I used to share stories of our struggles together. Yup, she's one of us....  She tried for a year. I remember when a year sounded like a long time. Now it's starting to sound further and further in the past and like less and less time. So yes, I am jealous of the fact that she gets her happily ever after. But she deserves it.... just like I deserve mine (someday).

It should be a fun little morning of girl time. I'm not really one for showers... I enjoy it when people do something different instead of the same ol same ol games and hooplah. I was looking at her registry (yes, I waited until the last minute) and I can't help but wonder what it was like for her to pick out all of those items. When did it actually sink in for her that she was really having a baby? When will I get to relish in that moment?

Friday, February 8, 2013

Nice To Meet You

My name is Molly.

Today marks the 14th month of trying to make a baby.

I have seen 10 of my friends become pregnant/give birth since I started trying.

I've had a basic blood test done. All levels came back fine.

My husband had a semen analysis. Totally normal.

I was told I need an HSG 3 months ago. I was also told insurance wasn't going to cover anything.

I have done acupuncture for the past 2 months. I have 3 sessions left.

I made an appointment to see a new doctor at a women's clinic on March 14.

This is my journey.

Hi.

Welcome to my journal.

I will be using this blog as a way to release stress that I feel on a day to day basis. I am terrible at stress management and sometimes I just need to get my thoughts out there in order to finally let go and move forward. So while this blog might be boring to some people, please know that I am only doing it to hopefully provide myself some relief and others struggling a place to relate.

This isn't going to be easy. I am not good at putting my feelings out there for all to read about. BUT I think this is something that will help me and hopefully be beneficial.

Don't expect a post every day. I will probably only be journaling when there's a big event or if I need to vent about something that has happened. Please don't judge. I want this to be a place I can share my feelings and others can comment as well without feeling stupid.

I hope you stay along for the ride... I look forward to hearing from you!