Monday, April 29, 2013

Update Post-RE Visit

It has been a few days since we got to speak to the new RE and find out what he thought about our test results so far and what our plans could be for the future.

Guess what.....? -- More TESTS!

I think I'm just exhausted at this point and feel like I can't possibly put myself thru any more of these cycles where nothing happens. It's so so so frustrating. I have to have another blood draw so they can test my progesterone again since my previous doctor didn't keep a note about what cycle day it was drawn on. He just wants to be sure it is accurate. So that will happen this Saturday. Then whenever next cycle day 1 is, I have to call and schedule an ultrasound AND my HSG. The one thing we were trying to avoid is the HSG due to the extremely high cost of it in this area (ahem--2 grand). But of course he says he really needs me to do this test so they can eliminate that as a source of problems.

Time is of the essence since my AMH number showed that I have diminished ovarian reserve. So he doesn't want me to waste any time doing fertility drugs when it could just be a blockage that is preventing the pregnancy.

No fun -- I am definitely not looking forward to this. The appointment for him to tell us we need more tests in order for him to make a clear plan cost us $300. I mean, really? It's just so sad to me. There has to be millions of people out there in our shoes (or even worse off than we are) who are just wanting to have a baby. I'm working as much overtime as I can in order to hopefully put some of that towards these expensive tests, but I know I won't even come close to making what I need to any time soon. But what are you going to do? We HAVE to have the tests done if we want to move forward ... and we don't have the option of waiting until we have money saved since my eggs are dwindling.

Life I tell you -- just not easy is it?

I'll let you know how the tests turn out... hopefully they come out okay so we can just move forward and get this baby growing in my tummy :(

Monday, April 22, 2013

Good News!

I can't believe it took me so long to post this... what's wrong w/ me?

I received my FSH results. My doctor called me back and left a message to let me know she had the results. Then she called me a second time and said that she discussed my results w/ the RE I am seeing this week to see what he thought and he decided that she should order a few more tests from the blood they drew, so she went ahead and ordered those right away.

So at this point, I was panicking... That can only mean one thing, right? BAD NEWS. I was so scared to call her back. I called as I was walking to a private conference room here at work and she said "well, I have some good news". Right then and there, I almost peed my pants. I said "GOOD NEWS?!?!?!.... did you say, GOOD?!". She let me know that my FSH number came back at an 8.6. I believe you want this to be around a 6 normally.... but she told me this is great news. Apparently things only get super tricky once the number is 10 or above.

Get this -- she actually said, "I don't think it is going to take too much to get you pregnant". I responded to that with, "so do you think IVF won't be the only option?" and she said she's certain he'll want to try other things first. YAY YAY YAY!

I had THE BEST week after hearing that news. I feel so relieved and so happy and again hopeful for the future.

My hubby and I are all ready for our appointment on Thursday. We're so excited.

Meanwhile, medical bills just keep rolling in. But you know.... who cares, as long as we have a happy ending to this story.

Monday, April 15, 2013

AMH Test Results & FSH Test

Phew, what a few days it has been. I had a pretty crazy weekend. On Friday, I decided to call up my doctor and just see what my actual AMH number was....  gulp......  During the phone call on Wednesday, she stated that my number was "a little low". So I was asking the question under the assumption that it wouldn't be that bad. Imagine my shock when she said "yeah, it was less than 0.3.... you might be heading into menopause". ha.... say what?!

Okay, okay, I know.... I've done a LOT of research over the weekend and I know that the AMH number is just ONE part of a series of tests to tell you what's really going on. I'm trying not to focus too much on the number and from what I've read, I have age on my side. My first reaction to that news was bad... like, real bad... I went home immediately and sobbed for an hour on my lunch. Then had to pull it together & come back to work... where, once I was here, I cried from 2-4 at my desk. Most of that crying was good crying from the amazing emails I got from my husband. Something really special he said was this.... I want to sort of immortalize this response:


the things people talk about with raising kids are the times they had with them growing up. not the time spent carrying them or the fact that they had them naturally. what matters to me is the end result. whether it has our genes or not is no barrier to loving and raising a child and getting the same experience and enjoyment out of it that everyone else gets.


So true! It took me a good 15 minutes to get thru that tiny paragraph because I would cry at each word. He's amazing, just truly amazing.

Anyway, I was told that I should have my FSH tested on Day 3 of my cycle so they could compare the two numbers and get a better overall idea of what's going on. I have this dreadful feeling that it won't be good. I'm scared.... but it is happening tomorrow and they said they'd get the restults the same day. GULP. Fingers and toes are crossed.

Regardless of the results, I have read AMAZING stories of all kinds of people all around the world who had the same diagnosis and continued to go and have their own child naturally. Supplements seem to help, and some have had success from strong drugs and IUIs. I'm really really hoping we won't have to go the IVF route. I'm still so confused on whether IVF or adoption is the better route. I know it is a personal choice... but ugh.... I'm scared. I keep telling myself NOT to go there until I know I need to. 

If you read this, please keep me in your prayers... it is much appreciated!
I will update tomorrow with the results. I have to be at my appointment at 7:10 in a city that's 25 minutes away. UGH....early!

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

AMH Test Results

I got the phone call this morning. My AMH levels came back low which means my ovarian reserve is low which means, well, I'm not sure. Does it mean my eggs suck? I think that's what FSH tells you. Does it mean I don't have many eggs left - probably.

Wow... I would have never thought that at 28-29 years old, I would be facing this. It's hard to not let the test results define you and define your future. When I first heard, I thought, great.... they are going to tell us an egg donor is our only option. From what I've read online, that's not the case. I need to stay strong and hopeful.

Everything I learned in my last appointment is on hold. We won't be moving forward with any of those plans anytime soon, if ever. Instead, I have an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist in 2 weeks.

Is it weird that I always had a feeling deep down that something was off w/ my eggs and that was the problem? I really have... but nobody would ever test anything to do w/ that until I went to that last doctor.
I'm so grateful that she made that test happen. Now we know WHY this hasn't been happening.

I do love having an answer.