To All The Childless Peeps Out There

Enjoy your life.... enjoy the silence and moments to yourself you get through-out the day, every day.

I babysat this weekend. I love babysitting. You know why? I get to hand the kids back at the end of the day and that is Heeeaaaavennnnn.

I spent the entire day playing baseball, putting together 3 puzzles, getting bottles, getting cups of juice, slicing grilled cheese into triangles, playing run around for 5 minutes while the kids try to catch me and throw you in "jail". Yup, played that one over and over and over. How do parents do it? I really really actually wonder this. How do they have any time to themselves, ever?

I love these kids more than anything. But it kind of made me realize that maybe I'm actually not ready to be a parent. Maybe it is a good thing that this didn't work out the way we thought it would. I know you probably get used to it once you have a child... but I don't know that I'm ready to get used to it quite yet. I love not having a schedule and I love not feeling completely exhausted every day.

Sometimes it's good to take a step back and look at your life, appreciating all of the good things you forgot you had.

Love This - A Little Humor & Insight

I just found this series on another infertile's blog.... ha.... it's amazing!

If you want a laugh during this journey, watch. If you want to know more about what it is like and the things we do, watch.

FIND IT HERE
"None in the Oven"

hmmmmm.... Monday Ramblings

There's something about fall that makes me sad I don't have a child. I think it's because it's the start of all of the fun family holidays... Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas. I loved these holidays growing up but the fun part has slowly started to fade as I've gotten older. Things just aren't the same when you're the one responsible for buying all of the presents for people. HAHA. I've always thought that when I have kids, it'll bring some of the magic back to these holidays. I couldn't wait to share in their excitement like my mom used to do with me.

So I'm having one of those down kind of days today. Just wishing I could dress my little baby up in the cutest little leggings and long sleeve shirts and socks... keep them all bundled up in adorable fall outfits & warm winter jammies. Cuddle them at night as I feed them a bottle. All of those things that I may never experience.

This is when I remind myself of my brother & sister-in-law. They are getting married in about a month and will be getting on the conceiving train immediately. I'm grateful that they live in town, so I'll actually have some family that I can be close with.... some nieces and nephews I can be close with. I can't wait for that. It actually was something I was secretly dreading for a while. I wasn't sure how I would react and I really didn't want to be jealous or upset that she was pregnant and I was not. I hate having those feelings. I think now that I'm on the road to accepting our fate, it makes it easier to embrace these changes that will occur someday. I can now look at their child as someone I can take care of and spoil. ......................annnnnnnd hand back when it starts crying hysterically. HAHA.

Good thing the holiday season is busy!

Random Friday Thought

I just had to write down that I love how pregnant people always say "I don't care, as long as it's a healthy baby" when you ask them what sex they are hoping for. It's like - really??? Do they really think that anyone thinks they AREN'T wishing for a healthy baby? Why do they even need to say that?

To me, that response is just as bad as the "just relax and it will happen" response.

We all know you have a preference for what sex it should be. It doesn't mean that if it doesn't turn out that way that you will not love your child. It's just a fun game to play.... so start playing.

That is all.
Happy Friday.

Youch!

Well, I'm at work this morning, so that's at least a good sign. I have been having cramp-like pains the last 2 days, every day I just assume the always-annoying-Aunt Flow was arriving soon. This morning was just like the other two days... woke up feeling a crampy feeling in my uterus. Went to the bathroom, no AF. oooookayyyy. So I started getting ready for work and something crazy happened that I've never experienced before. Sudden cramps. They started out normal but soon escalated to mind numbing, crippled over, sweat-down-my-back type of pains. What's happening??? It literally is the most intense stabbing pain ever and it feels like it's my uterus, but I suppose it could be my intestines too. TMI alert, I would go to the bathroom and it seemed to get better....slowly.....  So then I'd go back about my business (after downing some tylenol). I was almost done curling my hair when it hit me again. Same thing all over again -- this time worse.... I wound up laying on the floor praying the pain to go away. Finally I forced myself up and went to the bathroom again and once again it slowly got better.  ????? what the heck!

Maybe I should be calling a doctor or going to see someone, but so far it hasn't occurred a third time. I took another tylenol and I'm hoping that I'm safe now. People might look at me weird if I am curled up in a ball under my desk.

IF it does happen again, don't worry, I'm leaving work and I'll definitely be calling someone.

Lordy.... this better not be what it is like when AF arrives now.

Dinner Party Woes

I went back and forth for a while about writing this post. I'm always worried someone I write about will find this blog someday - and my anonymity will be ruined! haha..  So let me begin by saying that everything that happened to us last night was not anyone's fault. It's just something that my hubby and I are going to have to get used to... and that may take some time.

So we were invited to dinner at a friend's house over this labor day weekend. We got there around 3 and dinner wasn't until around 6:30 or 7. So that left lots of time to just hang out and chit chat. I used to love chit chatting over a bottle of wine - gossiping and talking about the Real Housewives. Unfortunately, this chatting has now turned to breastfeeding and your child's development. Phew! Lets just say last night was a true test for both me and my hubby. Our hosts have a one year old and the second guests have a 5 or 6 month old. So needless to say, there was a TON of baby/mommy/daddy talk. I learned something from this - something that makes me think we've made the right decision. I wasn't jealous. Talk of nipples changing (and not going back to normal by the way), dirty diapers, daycare problems, lack of sleep...etc. etc. Nothing about that left me going, "Oh, whyyyy why can't we have their life?!?!".

Now, saying that, it was still hard to listen to and figure out my place in the conversation. What the heck do I possibly have to contribute? I found myself silent for much of the evening, guzzling my glass of wine and stuffing my face with these delicious caramel chocolate chip bars. At one point, the younger baby started crying because he hit his head and the other child started crying because the other was. I walked over to my husband in the kitchen and he said to me, "at least we'll never have to deal with THAT". The crying continued for a while and in that moment, I was very happy for the first time to not have a child. Our life really isn't too shabby - we have all the time in the world to do the things we want to do. Like today - I slept in until 9, did some cleaning, now I'm blogging, and then I'm going to do some trashy TV watching. HAHA

Have you had to conquer the dreaded mommy/daddy dinner party yet?