A Case of the What Ifs

Well, my appointment with the new doctor, Dr. Schmidt, was last night.

Let's start with the positives:

• Great hospital: large and very busy compared to the last hospital I went to. I even got lost looking for the office & ran into a very nice Indian surgeon who graciously walked me to the elevators I needed to take. Unfortunately, I don't think he knew what I meant when I said I was looking for Womens Health because I ended up in the ICU area. Yikes.
• Great waiting room: large, spacious, updated. They had a large saltwater tank as you walk in and as soon as I saw it, I knew it was meant to be. The front desk was nice and large and open.
• Wonderful staff: friendly & laid back.
• Lovely nurse: young & so so nice.
• Great doctor: listened to me, asked me questions, did a much more thorough breast exam than my past doctor. Also allowed me to get dress after the exam and she came back in so we could have a real conversation. She is really great.

Now onto the findings, which I wouldn't quite say are categorized as negative, but more that they weren't what I wanted to hear. Unfortunately, Dr. Schmidt didn't have access to my previous health records so she was unable to see what tests we had already had done & what those results were. So we went over all of the things we've done & she suggested that I still have one more test. I forget the name, something long, but I think it is just a blood draw that tells you what your ovarian reserve is (how many eggs) and what the quality of those eggs is. I'll make an appointment for that sometime in my next cycle since I think it is supposed to happen on a certain day.

After this, assuming my eggs are fine, she wants to do an HSG. This is the same thing my previous doctor wanted to do and I was hoping not to have to. Looks like I'm all out of look and I'm okay with that. I'm ready to take this test on (mostly because of my amazing parents and their gracious offer to pay for it). IF the HSG shows no blockages, I will be put on clomid and she will pair that with insemination. IF the HSG shows a blockage, IVF will be the only resolve.

Hearing her say those 3 letters... ugh.... I sat there playing with my hands, picking at my fingers, to try to distract myself from crying. How could my life be coming to this? That's what I immediately felt. Her telling me that made me feel like that's exactly what would happen .... like that was out only option. Then I realized, hey, it could still happen naturally! Although, she did say that 80% of couples will get pregnant within 12 months & if you haven't yet and keep trying, your chances decrease with every month that passes. UGH.... talk about depressing. She wasn't trying to be rude or mean or insensitive by saying that. She was just informing me -- which she did a lot of in this visit and it was much appreciated. My previous doctor would just be like "okay, we'll do HSG next, here's the info, this is what it is, so call and schedule that". Done and done. This one maps everything out and tells you what each thing might mean for us. I love that.

So - I didn't get a miracle drug to take.... looks like we'll really have to work at this. But I'm ready. :-)