Well, I'm exhausted. I'm at work right now but I just can't seem to get myself in the mood to do any of the things I need to. It just all seems so silly. So I'm writing this to get my feelings out and hopefully I can move on from this and feel better.
Day 12 ultrasound showed that I have a very large cyst on my right ovary. First she looked at my lining -- which was at a 10 this time (6 last month), so that was one positive. Then she looked at my left ovary and my fingers were crossed for good results this month. It showed only 2 follicles & they didn't look very large. She then moved over to my right and this HUUUGE black mass filled up the screen. I was like - "that looks like a ginormous follicle" and she told me it was a cyst. My heart sank. I had read a lot about women who developed cysts from their medications and how if that happens, the cycle is cancelled. I wanted to cry.
My nurse said that she'll have to pass the info on to my doctors and see what they think we should do in the future. I think they may switch my medication (from clomid) or have another suggestion on what might work for us. Then day 3 next cycle, I go back in to see if the cyst has decreased in size or disappeared. It could take 1-3 cycles for it to go away on its own (UGH!). I'm so ready for this process to be over.... I just don't want to deal with this any more. But as I say that, I realize it's something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life. There's no escaping that we can't have children of our own. I'll be reminded of it pretty regularly and it's just something I'll have to accept and deal with when those moments happen.
I really am lucky to have an amazing and supportive husband. He was so concerned about me after finding out what happened this morning. He said he doesn't care about any of the baby stuff, just that I'm going to be okay. I think he associates cyst with cancer. I may end up having surgery to remove it, and that frightens him as well. He's such a good guy..... I could have NEVER gone thru this with anyone else.
I cried a lot on the drive home from my appointment. I cried at the thought that someone out there (God? If there is a God) is telling me I'm not meant to be a mom. I mean, that's truly what it feels like. We're being so proactive to make this happen and every single step along the journey there's some kind of hang-up. It's just the most heartbreaking thing you can go through. I honestly don't know how people do this for years and years and years. We're inching closer to the 2 year marker and there's no way I'm doing this for the rest of the year. I just can't. If the cyst is still there next month, I think we'll seriously consider moving forward without a child (or explore other options to getting one).
All I know is that I hope others never have to experience anything like this. I love my husband, all I want is to see him as a father.... a father to our child. I can't tell you how hard it is to accept that this dream may never become a reality.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Fertility Supplements (especially for DOR)
I've been wanting to write this post for quite some time and finally took the time to take photos for it this afternoon. Supplements.... it's hard to know what to take and what not to take when trying to conceive. I finally had to go out and buy a huuuuge pill box to accommodate all of the pills I am taking and my husband loves to make fun of it.
If you're anything like me, you'll do whatever you can to help you conceive. Sometimes that means taking 10 pills a day. So here is a rundown of everything I'm currently taking:
CoQ10: 400 mg
This is great for improving egg health and egg quality. This is great for women like me with a diminished ovarian reserve. It also has lots of other healthy benefits, so go grab some today!
Prenatal Vitamin
The importance of this is well known to all women trying to conceive. You just need to take one... period.
DHA
This lovely wonder is included in my prenatal vitamin package to be taken along w/ the normal vitamin. It has been shown to increase the number and size of follicles.
Vitamin D: 5,000 IU
This one is extremely important as well. Research has shown that if you have low vitamin D levels, you are likely to struggle with infertility. It helps IVF outcomes, endometriosis, & PCOS. It also helps regulate other reproductive hormones in your body.
Vitex: 800mg
This one I suggest cautiously. You need to do your research to see if you think it is worth taking or not worth taking. There are a lot of conflicting reports out there about vitex - either you love it or you hate it. Vitex helps with hormonal imbalances in the body. If you have poor progesterone levels, this would be a great pill to take. My progesterone is still low (even when being on this) but it is still better than it would be without it.
DHEA-25
This amazing little pill counteracts the effects of aging. YIPPY! If you have very little eggs left (low AMH #), this would be a great pill to add to your daily routine. Prof. Adrian Shulman did a study recently about the effects of DHEA with infertility and he found that women taking this supplement were 3 times more likely to conceive than those not taking it. I've also read that this will improve the quality of your eggs.
The other thing I try to include in my daily life is royal jelly. If you choose to try this one, make sure to look for the REAL form. Do not take it in the pill form because it just isn't as effective that way. I found this jar at a local health store and they put it in honey which makes it taste delicious. I put a teaspoon-tablespoon of it in my morning tea. Royal jelly has been known to increase the quality of your eggs. It's also an AWESOME health food with lots and lots of benefits, so you really can't go wrong here.
Now there's one last thing that I have been debating on giving a try for a while. I haven't opened the bottle yet (in case I want to return it) because I'm still researching whether it is worth it to try or not.
Wild Yam.
This is supposed to act as progesterone in the body. This can help w/ the phase in your cycle after ovulation and it can also help with women who have suffered miscarriages. I just haven't decided if this one is necessary yet and I don't like to add things into the mix unless I'm certain it will be beneficial for me.
Do you have anything that you take regularly to help with infertility? I'd love to hear your suggestions!
If you're anything like me, you'll do whatever you can to help you conceive. Sometimes that means taking 10 pills a day. So here is a rundown of everything I'm currently taking:
CoQ10: 400 mg
This is great for improving egg health and egg quality. This is great for women like me with a diminished ovarian reserve. It also has lots of other healthy benefits, so go grab some today!
Prenatal Vitamin
The importance of this is well known to all women trying to conceive. You just need to take one... period.
DHA
This lovely wonder is included in my prenatal vitamin package to be taken along w/ the normal vitamin. It has been shown to increase the number and size of follicles.
Vitamin D: 5,000 IU
This one is extremely important as well. Research has shown that if you have low vitamin D levels, you are likely to struggle with infertility. It helps IVF outcomes, endometriosis, & PCOS. It also helps regulate other reproductive hormones in your body.
Vitex: 800mg
This one I suggest cautiously. You need to do your research to see if you think it is worth taking or not worth taking. There are a lot of conflicting reports out there about vitex - either you love it or you hate it. Vitex helps with hormonal imbalances in the body. If you have poor progesterone levels, this would be a great pill to take. My progesterone is still low (even when being on this) but it is still better than it would be without it.
DHEA-25
This amazing little pill counteracts the effects of aging. YIPPY! If you have very little eggs left (low AMH #), this would be a great pill to add to your daily routine. Prof. Adrian Shulman did a study recently about the effects of DHEA with infertility and he found that women taking this supplement were 3 times more likely to conceive than those not taking it. I've also read that this will improve the quality of your eggs.
The other thing I try to include in my daily life is royal jelly. If you choose to try this one, make sure to look for the REAL form. Do not take it in the pill form because it just isn't as effective that way. I found this jar at a local health store and they put it in honey which makes it taste delicious. I put a teaspoon-tablespoon of it in my morning tea. Royal jelly has been known to increase the quality of your eggs. It's also an AWESOME health food with lots and lots of benefits, so you really can't go wrong here.
Now there's one last thing that I have been debating on giving a try for a while. I haven't opened the bottle yet (in case I want to return it) because I'm still researching whether it is worth it to try or not.
Wild Yam.
This is supposed to act as progesterone in the body. This can help w/ the phase in your cycle after ovulation and it can also help with women who have suffered miscarriages. I just haven't decided if this one is necessary yet and I don't like to add things into the mix unless I'm certain it will be beneficial for me.
Do you have anything that you take regularly to help with infertility? I'd love to hear your suggestions!
Friday, July 5, 2013
Sadness This Morning
Just took the pregnancy test & got a big fat Negative. boooo. I almost had myself convinced it was positive due to my lack of symptoms this month. I always have sore boobs from O until my period arrives, but this month there was nothing. I guess I can chalk that up to lack of progesterone in previous cycles & since I was on progesterone suppositories this month, it probably helped with that.
Last night we went to a friends house for dinner & fireworks and they grilled chicken & veggie kabobs. It all looked sooo good and I literally went to eat the chicken and as soon as I started chewing, I nearly threw up. Then immediately from there on out, I felt sick and like I wasn't very hungry. Explain THAT. After that happened, I thought for sure I was pregnant.
I'm of course disappointed, but I am ready to move on to this month as soon as we can. They say your best chances are with IUI #2 and IUI #3... so I really hope they are right. Fingers are crossed that IUI #2 works. I can't imagine going into IUI #3 knowing it is our last one.... ugh..... talk about crazy pressure. Oh well, I just have to keep reminding myself that what will be will be.
Looking forward to starting this process over again....I think.
We're leaving for a family vacation tomorrow, so it is actually really good timing. I'll be able to relax and read and just regroup (um, and drink mojitos with my mom) haha. So not everything is bad about the situation.
Last night we went to a friends house for dinner & fireworks and they grilled chicken & veggie kabobs. It all looked sooo good and I literally went to eat the chicken and as soon as I started chewing, I nearly threw up. Then immediately from there on out, I felt sick and like I wasn't very hungry. Explain THAT. After that happened, I thought for sure I was pregnant.
I'm of course disappointed, but I am ready to move on to this month as soon as we can. They say your best chances are with IUI #2 and IUI #3... so I really hope they are right. Fingers are crossed that IUI #2 works. I can't imagine going into IUI #3 knowing it is our last one.... ugh..... talk about crazy pressure. Oh well, I just have to keep reminding myself that what will be will be.
Looking forward to starting this process over again....I think.
We're leaving for a family vacation tomorrow, so it is actually really good timing. I'll be able to relax and read and just regroup (um, and drink mojitos with my mom) haha. So not everything is bad about the situation.
Monday, July 1, 2013
10dpiui
So I'm only 10 days past the IUI right now and I have to say that the wait is officially driving me crazy. They want you to wait until at least 14 days to take a test but the closer that day gets, the more and more I want to test early.
I'm not feeling anything right now besides bloating (really big belly!) & gas.... well, and sleepiness I guess, but I'm always sleepy. And the bloating could be the result of the gas. I'm thinking I might be out this cycle because I really expected to be feeling a little soreness in my boobs and all that fun stuff. I'm having a little cramping right now, but did I mention I have gas? (haha)... so it is probably just from that. Hard to tell but you can make your mind think anything.
Gosh I hope this is it.... I really really do. It would be such an amazing feeling. I belong to an IUI support group & nobody on there waits to test. Lots of ladies tested early and lots have gotten faint lines that continue to get darker as the days go on. I want that so badly! Good thing I dread the negative result or I'd be testing every day.
Well, 4 more days.... I can do this.
I'm not feeling anything right now besides bloating (really big belly!) & gas.... well, and sleepiness I guess, but I'm always sleepy. And the bloating could be the result of the gas. I'm thinking I might be out this cycle because I really expected to be feeling a little soreness in my boobs and all that fun stuff. I'm having a little cramping right now, but did I mention I have gas? (haha)... so it is probably just from that. Hard to tell but you can make your mind think anything.
Gosh I hope this is it.... I really really do. It would be such an amazing feeling. I belong to an IUI support group & nobody on there waits to test. Lots of ladies tested early and lots have gotten faint lines that continue to get darker as the days go on. I want that so badly! Good thing I dread the negative result or I'd be testing every day.
Well, 4 more days.... I can do this.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)